The Return of the King

"Tell me again, lad, where are we going?"

"Frodo, any chance of seeing that old ring of mine again? The one I gave you..."

"Oh, pity. Should like to have held it one last time."

"Oh! Well, here is a site I have never seen before."

"I think I'm quite ready for another adventure."

The Fellowship of the Ring

"22nd day of September, in the year 1400, by Shire reckoning, Bag End, Bagshot Row, Hobbiton, West Farthing, The Shire, Middle-earth, the Third Age of this world."

"There and Back Again, a Hobbit's Tale, by Bilbo Baggins."

"Now, where to begin? Ah, yes. Concerning Hobbits. Hobbits, living and farming in the Four Farthings of the Shire for many hundreds of years, quite content to ignore and be ignored by the world of the big folk. Middle-earth being, after all, full of strange creatures beyond count, Hobbits must seem of little importance, being neither renowned as great warriors nor counted among the very wise."

"Frodo! Someone at the door!"

"In fact, it has been remarked by some that Hobbits' only real passion is for food, a rather unfair observation, as we have also developed a keen interest in the brewing of ales and the smoking of pipeweed. But where our hearts truly lie is in peace and quiet and good tilled earth, for all Hobbits share a love of things that grow. And yes, no doubt to others our ways seem quaint. But today of all days it is brought home to me, it is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life."

"Frodo, the door! ... where is that boy? Frodo!"

"No thank you! We don't any more visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations!"


"My dear Gandalf!"

"Come on, come in! Welcome, welcome!"

"Tea, or maybe something a little stronger? I've got a few bottles of the old Winyard left. 1296, very good year, almost as old as I am! It was laid down by my father. What say we open one, eh?"

"I was expecting you sometime last week! Not that it matters, you come and go as you please, always have done, always will. You caught me a bit unprepared I'm afraid. We've got some old chicken, and pickles, here's some cheese here, oh no, it won't do, um, we've got raspberry jam and apple tart, not much for afterlunch, oh no, we're all right! I've just found some sponge cake."

"I can make you some eggs if you like, oh, Gandalf?"

"Oh right! You don't mind if I eat, do you?"

"I'm not at home! It's the Sackville-Bagginses. They're after the house! They've never forgiven me for living this long!"

"I've got to get away from these confounded relatives hanging on the bell all day, never giving me a moments peace! I want to see mountains again, mountains Gandalf! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book. Oh, tea!"

"Yes, yes, it's all in hand. All the arrangements are made."

"Course he does! He's a Baggins, not some block-headed Bracegirdle from Hardbottle."

"Yes, yes."

"I know. He'd probably come with me, if I asked him. I think in his heart, Frodo's still in love with the Shire, the woods, the fields, little rivers. I'm old, Gandalf! I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday, a very long holiday, and I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to."

"Old Toby! The finest weed in the South Farthing."

"Gandalf my old friend, this will be a night to remember."

"Hello, hello, Fatty Bolger, lovely to see you, welcome, welcome!"

"So there I was, at the mercy of three monstrous trools! And they were all arguing amongst themselves, about how they were going to cook us! Whether it be turned on a spit, or whether they should sit us on us one by one, and squash us into jelly! They spent so much time arguing the weather-tos and the why-fores that when the sun's first light cracked over the top of the trees, poof, it turned them all into stone!"

"Mrs. Bracegirdle, how nice to see you, welcome welcome. Are all these children yours?"

"Good gracious, you have been productive!"

"Sackville-Bagginses! Quickly, hide!"

"Thank you, my boy. You're a good lad, Frodo. I'm very selfish. Yes, I am, very selfish. I don't know why I took you in after your mother and father died. but it wasn't out of charity. I think it was because, of all my numerous relations, you were the one Baggins that showed real spirit."

"No. Well, yes, but that's not the point. The point is,'ll be all right."

"Dragon? Nonsense, there hasn't been a dragon in these parts for a thousand years!"

"My dear Baggins and Boffins! Tooks and Brandybucks! Grubbs! Chubbs! Hornblowers! Bolgers! Bracegirdles! And Proudfoots!"

"Today is my one hundred and eleventh birthday!"

"The last eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable Hobbits!"

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

"I, um, I have things to do."

"I've put this off for far too long."

"I regret to annouce this is the end. I'm going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Good-bye!"